Darkling
by cor aut mors
Summary: Carina Malfoy has always been subject to the whims and expectations of her parents, but when a terrifying attack changes her forever she struggles to remain the dutiful daughter. When new influences come into her life - some wonderful and some dangerous - it turns out that obedience might cost her more than rebellion ever would. Oliver Wood/OC. WIP.
1. Patrimony

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters and notable locations belong to J. K Rowling. Original characters and plot belong to me.

* * *

_i had a dream, which was not all a dream_

_the bright sun was extinguished, and the stars_

_did wander darkling in the eternal space;_

_rayless, pathless, and the icy earth_

_swung blind and blackening in the moonless air_

**\- lord george byron, **darkness

* * *

**CARINA**

The one thing about Abraxas Malfoy that redeemed him to his granddaughter was his short temper. Most people who knew him wouldn't say the same, but it had been a blessing for Carina. She'd found unexpected solace at his manor house on the English coast, despite him being one of the most antisocial people she'd ever known. Carina thought it was because Abraxas didn't put up with his son's pig-headedness, and he had no patience for Draco's bootlicking. Her holidays with her grandfather were always peaceful. They hardly talked and barely saw each other from day to day, but this taciturn behavior suited her well. The silence had been good company; her grandfather's home was so large she could shout at the top of her lungs and not a whisper would be heard on the other side of the house. Mealtimes were quiet, but over the years she'd gotten used to her grandfather's coldness. Away from mother, father, and Draco, she could simply be alone with herself.

When she was younger she used to visit with her father, just for a day or an afternoon. As she got older she realized her father and grandfather didn't get along and though their arguments were always conducted behind closed doors, there was palpable tension between father and son. By the time she was thirteen she'd started spending the summer holidays at the manor, and had gained the kind of clarity that only comes from solitude. She wasn't like her family, and despite the strange camaraderie she found with her grandfather she was a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.

On the day of her grandfather's funeral, Carina escaped to the beach for a chance to think. The sand clinging to her toes was gritty and dark as obsidian. She'd been walking for hours, trying to get away and find some peace. The funeral had been stale, an uncomfortable affair that turned into a clandestine meeting of minds. Nothing good could ever culminate from these people rubbing elbows. She was sick to death of all of them; the company her parents kept was near beast. Greyback was the worst. His gaze followed her like a wolf watching a deer and her skin would crawl so much it felt liable to burst free. To make matters worse he'd been watching her since she was a girl. Had he always been around, lurking like a bad omen? Or was that her imagination just producing phantoms where there weren't any...

_I'm not imagining it,_ she told herself, but some days it was harder to believe her assertions. Today was one such day. Abraxas Malfoy hadn't been the warmest person – no wonder her father was the way he was – but Carina felt she had reason to grieve, nonetheless.

The beach below the manor house wasn't the prettiest or most pleasant place to spend her time, but she liked the sharp wind stinging at her cheeks and the roll of the grey waves. It served as an effective refuge from the farce going on inside. Her mother pretended to cry, dabbing at her pale cheeks with a handkerchief and her father talked with everyone, circulating the room like a cool breeze. Draco had, by and large, ignored everyone.

Yet it wasn't so much her family that made Carina want to flee. Her grandfather's will had been clear, and she'd seen the look on her father's face when they'd read it the evening before the funeral. The manor and Abraxas' fortune would go to Carina on her seventeenth birthday, in two years. The holidays she'd spent here with her grandfather had apparently meant more to the man than she'd expected, but her father hadn't spoken more than a handful of words to her since finding out. If she knew her father at all, she'd find out what it felt like to be left out of her parent's will, in time. He was vindictive enough, to punish Carina for whatever affection Abraxas showed her in lieu of himself or Draco, the favoured and the heir apparent to their dreadful kingdom.

Carina was two years older than her brother, but she'd been born a girl, and therefore had little value to Lucius. She was considered weak; but she knew she was not. Draco was the weak one. His mind was easily warped and influenced by their father on nearly every issue, and he mimicked Lucius without a second thought. Carina wanted to love Draco, the way a sister should, but he was mean and cruel and all she saw in him was their father. Narcissa was gentler, but by no means was she a kind woman. She offered no warmth or safety to Carina. Sometimes she wondered if all the strength of character Narcissa might've had had been crushed out of her by her husband.

With her grandfather gone, she suddenly had no ally among her relatives. Carina thought of her aunt, Andromeda, and wondered if she could be counted on for security in Abraxas' void. She didn't remember her aunt; they hadn't seen each other since Carina was a baby, and Narcissa acted as though she had only one sister. Bellatrix was insane, and that insanity made her dangerous. Carina hated her the most, but she was terrified of her all the same.

She paused, digging her toes into the sand and staring down at her pale feet, at the shift of sinews and muscle beneath her skin. She had her mother's feet: small, arched, and bony. Carina heard the sound of another's footsteps crunching over the sand, displacing pebbles under their shoes as they walked. She turned and narrowed her eyes at the tall, ugly man coming towards her. Fenrir had thick shoulders and arms so long Carina believed he was more gorilla than man.

"Did my father send you?" Carina asked, having to raise her voice over the wind as it tried to snatch her words away. Fenrir smirked, a twist at the corner of his mouth.

"No, little one," he rasped, and his voice carried so easily it was as though he stood directly before her.

Carina felt like she couldn't breathe as fear suddenly erupted in her chest. She was afraid, of him, of the look in his eyes. She took a step back, her hand scrambling for her wand. "Leave me alone, Greyback," Carina snapped. "I don't want you here."

He came closer, his movements predatory, and when Carina backed away she felt water slap at her ankles. She glanced over her shoulder. She was cornered between the black sea, and Greyback. "Don't worry, girl," Fenrir said. "Just wanted to make sure you weren't goin' anywhere."

Fenrir bared his mossy yellow teeth with the sharp, overly large canines and turned to trudge back towards the manor. Carina's relieved breath rattled out of her lungs and left her shaking from fright. She watched the werewolf leave until he was finally out of her sight. She felt unsafe out here, alone and vulnerable, so she slowly made her way back, following Fenrir's footprints in the sand. Carina made sure to avoid him and returned dutifully to her mother's side. Her father had invited several people to a memorial dinner at the manor that evening, to honour Abraxas, but Carina knew that her father had no intention of honouring the man.

Rather than sit uncomfortably at dinner, Carina retired to her room and spent the night alone, reading. Glancing out the window as she laid her book aside, she felt uneasy at the sight of the moon cradled in the sky, soon to be full. It's silver glow was baleful, promising danger from an already dangerous man.

* * *

**LUCIUS**

That _stupid_ old man. Lucius' thoughts were a bitter swirl of hatred and anger. His wife couldn't comfort him, and she quickly gave up on trying when she was threatened by his rage. His colleagues had no words of sympathy to offer. And his daughter... somehow, she had betrayed him. The words in his father's will ran through his mind like fire, boiling his blood.

Lucius gave a shout of frustration, snatched the heavy wooden paperweight off Abraxas' desk, and hurled it at the window. The glass shattered and the paperweight sailed out into the yard, disappearing into the bushes. The others shared looks that spoke of their disapproval for his lapse in self-control. They hadn't come to talk about the will, or the choice Abraxas made to bequeath everything to Lucius' eldest child. They had other issues to talk over, other problems to solve.

Bellatrix made a derisive sound in the back of her throat. "Are you finished?" she hissed at Lucius.

"Not even close," Lucius exclaimed. "You do know, Bella-" he spoke her nickname with acidity "-that without my father's money, I have significantly less to offer the Dark Lord. That fortune was important to him."

"She's only fifteen. She won't touch a knut of that money until she's a legal adult," Bellatrix said. "Make her give it to the Dark Lord."

"She won't, not of her own free will." Lucius pushed the air out of his lungs with a heavy, irritated exhale. He straightened up, smoothed back his hair, and smiled an icy smile. "She's become a disappointment, of late."

"I'll put some fear in her," Greyback snarled, a delighted look in his eyes. Lucius sneered at him. Fenrir was a mongrel, a half-breed, and his very presence was offensive to Lucius.

"Are you suggesting attacking my daughter?" Lucius asked. There was no concern for his child in his voice, just simple disgust at the idea of such a foul creature laying a hand on a Malfoy.

"Just an idea." Fenrir shrugged his huge shoulders, and his lips pulled back from his teeth in an ugly grin. "She's gotten pretty, your lass. Can't blame me for wantin' to take a bite outta her."

Bellatrix turned her wand on Fenrir and shooed him out of the study by threatening to curse him. She turned to Lucius with cold, uncaring eyes. "Find a way to get the inheritance," she snapped. "Or you'll soon be worthless to our Lord."

They spent the next hour contemplating ways to obtain the fortune that so eluded them. A headache was beginning to pound inside Lucius' skull, not helped by the shrill and grating way Bellatrix turned down every suggestion he made with put-downs and snide comments.

"I'll marry her off," Lucius said tiredly. "To a man from a good pureblood family. One who the Dark Lord approves of."

Finally the dark-haired witch looked thoughtfully pleased. "Then her husband would be legally entitled to her fortune," Bellatrix said, taking up the thread of Lucius' idea. "It could work. I believe Rookwood has an unmarried son."

Lucius waved her off. "Rookwood? His bloodline isn't good enough for my daughter," he said smugly. "The match will have to be a good one, befitting of a Malfoy. You may go now, Bellatrix. Return to your own husband."

Bellatrix gave him a look like thunder, and Lucius swallowed thickly, offering a simpering little smile. He knew Bellatrix's marriage was not a happy one. Lucius thought it was Bellatrix's feelings for their Dark Lord that made her husband so hostile and possessive. Rudolphus was not the kind of man who liked to share.

"Don't make a mess of this," Bellatrix said, as her parting words.


	2. Sanctuary

**Thank you so much to xXMizz Alec VolturiXx for being the first to review. You're amazing and ilu. (◕‿◕✿)**

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**FENRIR**

The mansion stunk of finery and antiques and old, old secrets. Greyback knew he wasn't welcome there, but he never cared for what these ancient families thought of him. He was more than them, and he knew it, but Lucius and the Lestrange bitch could've shown him more respect.

Upon being ejected from the study, Fenrir stalked quietly about the house. The servants all darted away when he came near, and the Malfoy boy gave him a haughty look but ran away with his tail between his legs when Fenrir snarled like a wolf at him. He was looking for the girl. Carina Malfoy. She was young, sweet, and he'd had his eye on her ever since Voldemort made him a promise. Fenrir gave Voldemort the strength of his pack, a dozen or so bloodthirsty werewolves, and in return they were given power. They were given a chance to get back at the institution that made them freaks. Fenrir had also asked for something else. A bride. A girl he could turn and marry, who would be at his side when he took his rightful place as ruler among his people.

So far, the Dark Lord had not delivered. That made Fenrir angry.

He found the door to Carina's room by following her scent to the west wing of the mansion. She was alone, vulnerable. Fenrir lurked around the girl's room, thinking through his options. His request for the Malfoy girl may have been pushing it, but he wanted her, and if he didn't get her then Voldemort wouldn't get his werewolf army.

Fenrir made his way back to the study, but didn't go in. Bellatrix and Lucius were still talking, and he could hear their conversation loud and clear from outside. He stood in the corridor like a hulking statue, glowering at a house elf that came skittering past him. The creature shied away and held its bony arms up to protect its head in case Fenrir struck him.

The more he heard of the discussion inside, the darker his expression became.

* * *

**CARINA**

The mood at the manor was stifling the day after the funeral. The Death Eaters and droves or mourners were all gone, leaving the house empty and quiet, but not in a pleasant way. Carina found herself tiptoeing so as not to disturb the fragile silence; she walked on eggshells around her parents especially.

She didn't want to bring her father's wrath down on her. She felt worn out; the stress of being named her grandfather's heir was already crushing her, and the inheritance wasn't even hers yet. It would sit in a vault in Gringott's until she turned seventeen. Yet she had a sneaking suspicion her father wouldn't let all that gold lay there untouched.

From they way he sealed himself up in what used to be her grandfather's study, Carina guessed her father was planning something. With an uneasy knot in her stomach, she tried to attend her mother without being scolded for her lapses in attention.

Narcissa was going throughout the house, ordering the house elves to pack up Abraxas' belongings in boxes. Most of his stuff now belonged to Carina, but what Narcissa could throw out, she did without hesitation. Some things she even chose to keep, and Carina wondered how soon she'd see them decorating the rooms at home.

She kept her mouth shut for as long as she could, until Narcissa flicked a dismissive hand at a painting hanging in Carina's bedroom. Carina had loved that painting even as a child. The vivid colours and patterns that made up the scene of a flowering meadow had been a part of her dreams for years.

"No, please, keep this one," Carina begged her mother. "I want to bring it home with me."

"This ugly thing?" Narcissa's nose wrinkled in distaste. "It's not worth the frame it's hung in."

"Mother," Carina said, an edge to her voice. "Grandfather gave this to me when I was eight. It's mine." _As is everything else inside this house,_ she thought, but would never say such a thing out loud to her mother.

Narcissa looked as though she was going to argue, but she gave up with a roll of her eyes. "Fine, please yourself," she said. "But the hideous thing stays where it is."

Carina breathed a sigh of relief when her mother moved on to another room. She reached up to brush her fingers across the painting, feeling the rough canvas beneath the paint. A smile touched her lips, and she realised that she could save the things that mattered to her. Later that day she asked the house elves to put everything Narcissa wanted thrown out into the attic. She was surprised and pleased when they obeyed her, stowing everything away for her to go through another time. Maybe when she was mistress of this house. A thrill of excitement went through her, and suddenly being the recipient of her grandfather's fortune didn't seem like such a bad thing. She'd have the means to be entirely independent of her parents.

There was a lightness and joy in her step for the rest of the day. She even played a game of wizard's chess with Draco after dinner, ignoring his complaints every time he lost a piece. Carina let her brother win, and Draco smirked at her. He'd be starting Hogwarts in September, and already Carina knew he'd be a Slytherin. Like her and like the rest of their family.

"I bet I can beat you again," Draco said.

"Best two out of three?" Carina asked with a grin. She won the next game, and could've won the last if she wanted to, but after losing once Draco turned sour and mean.

Carina was much better at wizard's chess than her brother was. Her Uncle Rudy had taught her to play when she was only six, and by refusing to go easy on her he'd made her a good player. Not wanting to make her brother feel bad, Carina let him win their final match, though she regretted it pretty quickly. He was almost as much a sore winner as he was a sore loser.

When Carina started to pack away her chess pieces, her father approached her, taking the seat Draco had just vacated. "Shall we play?" Lucius asked, studying his daughter with a stillness that made Carina nervous.

"I- of course, father," Carina said. She frowned. He never wanted to play with her, either because he didn't have the time or the inclination. Her hands were shaking with trepidation as she reset the board. She expected her father to scold her, to punish her somehow, and maybe this was part of it. Maybe he had an endgame in mind.

But Lucius seemed... civil. He chatted idly while he made his moves, and nodded whenever Carina made a countermove. "I thought we could talk while we play," Lucius said coolly.

Carina swallowed her nerves, but they refused to disappear. "About what?"

"Your future." Lucius glanced up from the chessboard with what Carina thought was a very pointed look. He ordered his rook to take Carina's bishop. Carina winced when her father's piece destroyed her own, reducing it to rubble.

"What about my future?" Carina cautiously asked.

"Your mother and I are worried about you. Worried about what will happen to you when you have your grandfather's inheritance." Lucius spoke slowly, and evenly. The cadence of his words could've inspired peace, if Carina wasn't so tense. "What will you become, with so much independence? So much freedom? You'll have nothing to keep you grounded, where you belong."

"I won't abuse my inheritance, father, I promise," Carina said in a small voice.

Lucius gave a slight smile, a twist at the corner of his mouth, that was neither warm nor reassuring. "The risks are too great, my dear," he continued. "You know I only want what's best for you. So, I think it's time to think about your marrying."

Blanching as though she'd been struck, she said, "But- I'm only fifteen. You want me to get married?"

"Your mother wasn't much older than you are now when we were married. You're ready," Lucius said with a lazy shrug. "This is for the best, Carina."

Unable to argue, barely able to speak after this bombshell was dropped, Carina excused herself from the company of her family and fled to her room to be alone. _Marriage?_ It wasn't unusual for girls from families like hers to be part of an arranged marriage, but Carina hadn't thought she'd have to think about it until after she left Hogwarts. She suddenly felt so constricted, a prisoner without rights.

Heaving in deep breaths she tried to stay calm. She didn't want to get married. Not to some person she didn't know. Not to somebody her parents chose for her.

She wanted to run. Rushing to the window, she threw it open wide and stepped out onto the sloping roof outside. Carina's heart was shrinking within her chest, and she could barely remember to breathe. She skipped hurriedly to the edge of the roof, where she could get down safely by first jumping nimbly onto one of the tall, stone posts of the fence that ringed the house.

Carina wasn't a Chaser for nothing. She was quick and agile, and she was jumping lightly to the ground within seconds. She wasn't truly going to run away; she knew she would never get away with it. But she needed to think, needed the sanctuary of the beach to make sense of this new duty. It was, to her, a duty. One she couldn't get out of.

Picking her way down the rocky path to the beach, Carina began to run the moment her feet touched the sand. She went fast, until her legs ached. By the time she stopped, the lights of the manor were far behind her and the sound of the surf was the only noise she could hear. Except for the howling.

Carina shivered. The howl was loud, close, and menacing.

Suddenly her panicked flight from the safety of the house seemed foolish. She turned back to run home, but something large and dark was loping towards her.

She screamed and threw herself sideways into the water as the thing made a lunge at her. It was monstrous; something strong and feral that made her feel like prey. Carina tried to get up and run, but the werewolf pounced upon her back, pressing her into the wet sand.

Carina thrashed, screaming all the while, hoping her parents would hear her and come. The waves rushed over her so fast she only just forced herself to stop screaming, stop breathing. The werewolf grasped her by the head and held her face beneath the water. It burned in her nostrils, but she held onto the air in her lungs with an instinctual determination.

The beast lifted her from the surf just as her lungs began to feel like they'd burst. She gasped and blinked saltwater from her eyes, limply letting the monster turn her over. The eyes were yellow and lupine, but she recognised the hunger burning in them. Greyback.

She opened her mouth to scream again, maybe scream his name and beat at his powerful, furry arms. Her scream turned into a pitiful moan of pain when Greyback clamped his jaws around her shoulder and bit down hard into the muscle and bone. Her blood poured into his mouth, salty as the ocean, and Carina knew with a terrible sinking in her gut that his bite would ruin her. She would turn. She would be like him.


	3. Eternity

**Thanks to lightbabe, and again to xXMizz Alec VolturiXx for reviewing! Edit: I'm so tired I posted this chapter twice. Whoopsie. (u_u) Sorry if you guys got a notification for chapter 4. That was my bad~**

* * *

After Greyback's attack, several very important things happened. Lucius demanded Fenrir be killed – his demand was not met, and Fenrir continued to be an important weapon to Lord Voldemort. All plans of marrying Carina off were put on indefinite hold – they couldn't keep her condition secret from her husband, and no self-respecting pureblood family would want to be connected to a half-breed. And Carina turned for the first time.

The wolfsbane potion she'd choked down the night before the full moon kept her from losing her mind to the brutal instincts of the werewolf, but in some ways she might have preferred not remembering. Pain like she'd never experienced nearly drove her mad. Carina spent the entire transformation screaming in agony, a wordless sound that came from the very depths of her being. The first transformation was the worst, and she never forgot it.

After two years she'd turned so many times that she'd lost count. She didn't want to keep a tally, anyway.

With her seventeenth birthday four months away, Carina emerged from the barrier that separated the muggle world from the one Carina knew. Going back to Hogwarts used to be the only thing that could make her happy. Hogwarts meant she would be with her friends, in a place where she could be herself without fear of disappointing her parents. There was no place for Carina the werewolf, though.

She kept her head down as she and Draco got on the train. Her brother left her without a glance back in her direction – they didn't get along anymore. They hadn't exactly been best friends before the attack, but Draco believed everything their parents said. He believed that the Malfoy blood Carina carried in her veins had been burned away by Greyback's bite. She wasn't good enough for them anymore. She was a freak, something to be locked up once a month.

Very few people outside of her family knew about her illness; only those who her parents had deemed trustworthy. Carina had been forbidden to tell her friends about her condition, under threat of punishment. No one could know their shame.

So when Carina saw her oldest friend coming her way, she ducked into the nearest compartment before he noticed her. Peregrine refused to let her go without an explanation, one she couldn't give him. Perry had been the hardest to cut out of her life, and as such was the most stubborn about being cut out.

Leaning against the compartment door, Carina glared at the shocked fourth years she'd stumbled in on. "What?" she snapped angrily. They went white in the face and cringed away from her. Carina waited until Perry had passed her before she went back out, leaving the fourth years to whisper furiously about how weird she was.

She knew what her reputation was like. She was the antisocial freak who had no friends. It wouldn't have mattered to them if they'd known that having no friends was a choice she'd been forced to make. She missed Perry and Adrian so badly that she felt their absence like a missing part of herself, but they were too smart not to notice her disappearing every full moon to turn safely in the dungeons under Professor Snape's watchful eye. The professor provided her with Wolfsbane potions to choke down, and as a favour to her parents made sure she remained undiscovered during her transformations. Every other time, Snape was as detached from Carina as he was every other student. But she trusted him, oddly enough. He did more for her now than her father ever had.

Carina hurried down the train, and was midway down the train when she found an empty compartment. She locked the door and pulled the blinds. A storm was coming in, but the grey and glaring light outside hurt her eyes, and sitting in the dark on her own was exactly what everyone else might expect her to do. She smiled bitterly to herself, thinking of what she'd do if anyone tried to bother her. She could hiss at them like a snake; although howling like a wolf would be more apropos.

She settled in for a lonely train ride to the castle. Laying across one of the seats, she listened to the sound of the wind and rain getting stronger as they barreled across the countryside. She was nearly drifting off to sleep when the train suddenly stopped. It hadn't been nearly long enough, and Carina got up to investigate what was going on, her head fuzzy from drowsiness.

Other students were poking their heads out of their compartments, and she saw a couple Gryffindors down the aisle. She recognised them as Quidditch players on the Gryffindor team; Alicia Spinnet, Oliver Wood, and Katie Bell. Carina had quit the Slytherin team in her fifth year – a necessity she despised – but she still kept track of the teams and the players. Oliver was in her year, and captain of Gryffindor. Carina used to love scoring goals against him; she missed the thrill of getting the Quaffle past the big Scottish lad.

A disturbance nearby Carina's attention. She had very good eyesight and even from so far away she could see that there were hooded figures coming aboard the training, entering compartments and swooping up and down the aisle like they were patrolling for something. She heard a girl shriek in surprise when the lanterns suddenly died, leaving the train in darkness so thick it was like ink. Carina's eyes adjusted to the dark quickly, but everything looked indistinct and grey. From either end of the train she heard the sounds of students panicking and shouting.

The slide of a door near Carina's compartment opened, letting in the howling wind and driving rain. Several more of those people came aboard, but the moment they got close to Carina she felt her skin turn to ice. They were dementors. She'd never seen one up close before, but she knew very well what they were. They glided across the floor like fog, and when one turned towards her she could see nothing but darkness inside its hood.

Carina felt frozen in place, her blood freezing in her veins. A frantic thought pounded through her mind; if she didn't move, maybe they wouldn't notice her. But there was something drawing the creature to her, something deep and dark. The dementor came towards her, soundless except for a terrible rattling sound that made the hairs on Carina's arms stand on end. She stumbled back into her compartment, trembling as the weight of the last two years suddenly slammed into her with unbelievable force. The Dementor filled the compartment door, and Carina screamed at it to go away, only the sound was wordless and panicked.

All her senses seemed to flee her, and in the void there came the anguish. The anguish of being a disgrace to her family. The anguish of losing the future she could've had, but would now never know. It felt like an eternity before feelings other than misery flooded her. She felt cold, scared, and disoriented. Someone was kneeling in front of her, saying her name and shaking her shoulder. Carina focused on Oliver Wood's face, on the concerned frown that made the lines of his forehead furrow. The lights had returned, but seemed weaker somehow.

"Give her some space," somebody else was saying. "Come on, let her breathe."

Oliver stood up, looking down at Carina. She realised she was on the ground. Had she fallen? "What happened?" she asked in a shaking voice, looking at the other person in the compartment. Outside the door there was a small crowd of people peering in at her, but she dutifully ignored them. The man standing beside Oliver Wood was older, with greying hair and tired eyes.

"Dementors happened," the man said. "One of them found you particularly interesting. I've run out of chocolate, unfortunately."

He crouched down in front of Carina and gave her a compassionate smile. Carina didn't understand the last thing he'd said, but she knew he was right about the dementor. She'd practically felt her soul frost over.

The man pulled off his coat and draped it over Carina. "Keep warm, you'll feel better," he said. He looked over his shoulder at the others crowding around for a good look. "Alright, back to your seats everyone."

Oliver left with Katie and Alicia, and after a few long moments Carina felt more like herself. She looked at the man and felt a strange sense of understanding pass between them. He must've been a professor, but she'd never seen him before. The professor reached down to help her off the floor, but Carina brushed aside her assistance.

"I'm fine," she said. When she stood her legs felt as shaky as a new colt's. She hid it by sitting down, touching the sleeve of the coat still around her. It was warm, but not he most attractive item of clothing. It was patched in several places and the stitching was threadbare in some places. She shrugged it off and held it out to the professor. "I don't need this anymore."

The man took his coat, giving Carina a thoughtful look. "Do you know what happened to you?"

Carina didn't know what to say. She knew that, for a terrible moment, she felt Greyback's teeth ripping into her shoulder again. The scars seemed to burn and she absently rubbed at the spot with her hand.

"A dementor makes you relive the worst moments of your life," the professor said gently. "All that pain, all at once, can be a lot to take. I wouldn't be half as composed as you, in your place."

When the professor left to check the rest of the train and calm down scared students, Carina went to the window and looked outside. She saw the vague shapes of the dementors swooping away into the night.


	4. Gallantry

**This chapter feels a little short... sorry 'bout that. Anyway, thanks to lightbabe, xXMizzAlecVolturiXx, Carina (squees!), and zoeyzoeyg for reviewing. I'm so excited to explore more of Carina's wolfishness in coming chapters. She's currently my favourite protag to write.**

* * *

**CARINA**

When the train got to Hogsmeade, all anyone could talk about was the dementors. It wasn't just Carina who'd been affected. Most people mentioned a cold feeling in the pit of their stomach, like they'd just swallowed ice. Carina's reaction wasn't really an isolated event, it had just been worse than most. Word had spread, about her screaming in her compartment, and only bolstered the rumours that she was crazy. Thankfully for Carina, most people were more interested in Harry Potter.

As Carina hurried off the train, avoiding meeting anyone's eye, she heard her brother talking loudly about how Potter had fainted. His voice was both malicious and delighted, and Carina looked over at him with a flash of disapproval in her eyes. He didn't notice her, too caught up in the attention. His friends were laughing at every taunt he threw, hanging on every word.

Carina wanted to say or do something, but she hadn't the right to scold Draco anymore. She never really had. Growing up, Draco had virtually been allowed to get away with murder, while Carina had to answer for every mistake she made. It made her blood burn. There were deep reserves of fury within her, which she'd never touched before being turned. Lately they seemed to overflow with something hotter than magma, something vicious within Carina that must've been the wolf.

Her eyes narrowed and she made a step towards her brother, intending to drag him away from his friends, or say something that would shut him up. She never got there. Adrian and Peregrine intercepted her, Perry grasping her arm in his gentle grip. Despite his tenderness, she flinched at his touch.

"Are you okay?" Perry asked lowly. "We heard about what happened. A dementor tried to give you the kiss?"

Carina shook her head. "No, that's not true," she spat. "I'm fine, Peregrine. Let go of me."

Perry looked her in the face for a long moment before he released her arm. Adrian rolled his eyes at Perry, as though by obeying her he was giving up too easily. "Are you done being antisocial yet?" he asked her with a cheeky smirk. "We miss you, Rina."

"This isn't a joke," Carina mumbled, her face heating up with frustration. "Just leave me alone, guys."

She shoved past them, pushing Adrian so hard he stumbled backwards. His eyes got wide and he looked to Perry for help.

"We're worried about you," Perry said, following on Carina's heels as she tried to navigate the crowded platform. The noise of students talking, laughing, and calling to their friends seemed to roll over Carina, reminding her of just how disconnected she'd become from them all. And there were her old friends, at her side, trying to get her to connect again.

Adrian and Perry shadowed her as they walked to the carriages with the other students. Carina could only ignore them when they tried to involve her in their idle conversation. She'd been friends with them since they were first years, and to treat them like they were nothing to her was painful.

Not for the first time Carina wondered what they thought about her giving them the cold shoulder. It had been sudden, during their fifth year. Perry seemed to think they'd done or said something wrong, while Adrian was convinced Carina's parents had forbidden her from being friends with them. Lucian and Miles were different; they didn't try to guess, or insist that Carina explain herself. She wished Perry and Adrian would be more like them. It'd be easier on her.

"Sit with us, Rina," Adrian said, offering his hand to Carina when they came to a carriage. Carina clasped her hands together just so she wouldn't be tempted to accept his kind hand. "Come on, please? We miss you."

Carina shook her head. "No," she said firmly, even though she felt like she might cry. Why wouldn't they give up? "No, and stop asking."

She turned and hurried away, following the rest of the crowd up the hill. Perry called out to her, but Carina ducked behind a tall Hufflepuff and her friends lost sight of her. Carina got on one of the last carriages and found herself sitting with a few younger Slytherins. They stared at her like she was something they'd never seen before, some strange animal in a zoo.

Carina narrowed her eyes. Her irritation flared up and began to burn beneath her skin. She was tired of people staring at her like that. "What are you looking at?" she snapped harshly. All of the girls jumped in surprise, and one of them made a strange squeaking sound. It reminded Carina that she was a Malfoy, of a bloodline old and pure and respected. She conjured all the superiority and arrogance that she saw in her parents, and in her brother, and directed it at the younger girls.

She sat in imperious silence, casting a pall over the others in the carriage. They didn't speak, not even to each other, until the carriage arrived at the castle. Carina laughed under her breath when they scurried out of the carriage, tripping out like frightened little mice under the gaze of a snake.

Instantly a sense of guilt washed over her. Being who others expected her to be had become too easy. Greyback's bite had made her into the kind of person her father always wanted her to be. If only he didn't see her as a stain upon their family name. She sighed and climbed slowly out of the carriage, looking around for any familiar faces she might have to avoid.

She only saw her brother, up ahead, with his friends. Carina tried to blend in with the crowd as they walked into the castle, but when a hand fell on her shoulder she expected to see Perry or Adrian again. After she'd instinctively ducked from beneath the hand, she was surprised to see Oliver Wood beside her. He was as unexpected as everything else that had happened that day.

"Carina," he said. Her name sounded strange in his accent. Like it wasn't actually her name. "Are you doing alright?"

"Why do you care?" Carina asked, frowning at the ground as she tried to edge away from Oliver.

"Oh, um..." Oliver gave her a strange look, a lopsided smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "Is it a crime to care? I wanted to know if you're okay, after the whole Dementor thing. Kind of threw everyone for a loop.

Carina felt her hackles rising. She'd so hoped to get through her final year at school without incident. Not even one day gone and her hopes were dashed. "Look, I'm fine. You don't have to project some masculine instinct to protect a damsel in distress on me. Because that's not what I am."

Completely taken aback, Oliver's eyes widened and a few long moments of stunned silence went by. "Wow... okay, I'm sorry. I'll bugger off, if I'm bothering you." He stopped walking and Carina carried on for a few paces before she heaved a sigh and turned back to Oliver.

"You're not bothering me," she said sullenly. "I'm just having a bad day."

Oliver's crooked smile came back, gentler this time. "Well, a dementor did try to suck your soul out. You're allowed to be feeling a bit..."

"Cranky?" Carina suggested with a snort. "That's just my personality."

It took a while for Carina to feel comfortable, walking through the castle doors alongside Oliver. This was the longest conversation she'd had with one of her peers in a long time. It didn't make her want to run away, so that was something. Usually she would've bolted by now.

"I don't think it is," Oliver said, shooting her a thoughtful look. "Are you going to be on the Slytherin team this year?"

"No." Carina's response was instant. "I don't play anymore."

"That's a shame." Oliver shook his head. When they entered the Great Hall, a handful of Gryffindors greeted Oliver with shouts and waves. She couldn't figure out why he was talking to her. He'd helped her on the train, she knew that much, but Oliver was just that kind of guy. Everyone who knew him seemed to adore him. "I should sit down. You're sure you're okay?"

Carina looked at him from beneath her eyelashes, feeling his concern like a spear through her chest. "Yes," she said, working the word past the lump in her throat. "I'm okay."


	5. Gravity

**ADRIAN**

Adrian felt bad for Perry. Every time Carina ran away from them, he got this miserable look on his face, like nothing would ever make up for losing his best friend. Adrian knew that Peregrine was hit hardest by Carina's behavior; the two of them had been as close as siblings since first year, when they were new at Hogwarts and had no idea what to expect. Adrian had never had that kind of connection with Carina, not off the Quidditch pitch at least.

"Perry," Adrian said. His friend looked at him, his dark eyes thoughtful and melancholy. "Let's go, mate. She'll be alright."

The two of them found Miles and Lucian saving a carriage for the four of them. Lucian smirked and waved them over, but his good humour sobered a little when he realised something was wrong. "Did you talk to Rina?" he asked knowingly. Miles gave a soft sigh, anticipating what would come next.

"She still won't talk to us," Perry said, climbing into the carriage and falling into silence. He didn't say another word during the bumpy, swaying ride up to the castle. Lucian attempted to fill the void with jokes and stories from his holidays, but none of them really felt like indulging him.

"You lot are about as fun wet paper," Lucian finally said, giving up on his attempts to lighten the mood. Adrian felt better when the castle finally loomed into view, lit up like a giant Christmas tree on the hill. They had an entire year to figure Carina out – even if it was their last year and their last chance to do so – and Adrian felt hopeful. Carina couldn't possibly keep pushing them away during their final year at Hogwarts; there was too much to share and experience.

Lucian practically leaped out of the carriage when it stopped, shoving his way forwards with Miles following in his wake. "Marcus, you ugly son of a bitch," Lucian yelled when he spotted the Slytherin captain. With a huge grin on his face, he roughly pushed a couple redheaded girls aside on his way over to Marcus. Rather than bulling his way through like Lucian had, Miles skirted around everyone in his way, like a polite shadow.

"We've got to make a plan," Perry said suddenly. Adrian gave him a weird look, unsure what he was talking about. "To get Carina to be our friend again. We need to fix this."

"Maybe she just doesn't want to be our friend..." Adrian suggested, smiling apologetically when Perry narrowed his eyes at him. "Sorry, but it's been a long time. Maybe she wants us to take the hint and leave her alone."

"Something's going on with her, Adrian," Perry insisted. "Something's not right."

Adrian shrugged, but didn't argue. If anyone one else had ditched them, it wouldn't be such a big deal. Carina was different; she'd always been steady and sensible, and for her to change so suddenly and so drastically meant there was more going on than they could see on the surface. Adrian was certain Carina's parents had gotten into her head, but there wasn't anything he could do about that. The Malfoys were like most pureblood families; tradition was the key, and in some cases it was all that mattered.

On their way into the castle, Adrian lost track of Perry and found himself near someone familiar. Penelope Clearwater was a Ravenclaw in their year, who Adrian found particular amusement in annoying. She was always banging on about some issue or another, and was one of the most dogged people Adrian had ever met. He didn't really mind her, but she pretty much hated him.

He sidled over to her, smirking when he overheard her conversation with her friends. "How can one fugitive justify letting dementors on the train? Whose bright idea was that?"

Adrian snorted, and Penelope looked over her shoulder at him, her expression darkening. "Don't mind me," Adrian said innocently. "Carry on."

"Why, so you can mock me?" Penelope asked with a roll of her eyes. She had her blonde hair pulled back in a braid, a few wisps floating free around her face. Adrian wanted to reach out and tug on a lock, but she'd probably punch him if he tried anything like that.

"You call it mockery, I call it a lively debate." Adrian shrugged as though the distinction didn't really matter to him. Penelope turned to face him, squaring up to him. She was tiny, so the effect wasn't as intimidating as she was going for.

"So you agree with letting dementors onto the train? People were scared out of their minds," Penelope snapped. Adrian felt a little bad, considering what had happened to Carina, but he laughed disparagingly.

"Sirius Black is a mad murderer," Adrian said. "He could've been hiding in somebody's trunk. I think the dementors were cool, anyway. Aw, wait, did they scare you, Penny?"

Penelope's friends all shared a look and one of them took Penelope by the arm. "Come on, he's not worth it. He's just an asshole Slytherin who thinks too much of himself."

"I knew that already," Penelope said. She let her friends pull her back into their fold, effectively shutting Adrian out. Undaunted by the hostility emanating off Penelope and her friends, he followed them into the Great Hall, whistling a jaunty tune.

* * *

**CARINA**

Carina hurried to sit at the end of the Slytherin table, closest to the professor's table. Her friends never sat here; they never wanted a professor overhearing their conversations. Lucian's sense of humour was crass and inappropriate, after all. Half the things he said could earn him detention.

With the noise of a hundred different conversations filling the Great Hall, Carina felt both secure and vulnerable. Returning to school felt like coming home, but she knew she didn't belong anymore. There used to be a space for her here, but she'd gotten twisted out of shape and couldn't fit in that perfect little pocket anymore. She had to find somewhere else to fit.

Glancing towards the professors, seeking out Snape. She'd have to rely on him again, now that she was back. There was a full moon in two weeks, and it would bring its entire gravitational force to bear on her. How can someone fight the moon? Sighing, Carina let her gaze wander, and spotted the professor from the train.

He was talking to the Gamekeeper, smiling slightly. As Carina looked at him, she was once again struck by something that she couldn't name. There was something about him she should know, or recognise, but she didn't know what it was. Maybe sensing her attention, the professor looked over at the Slytherin table, searching until he found Carina. He acknowledged her with a slight incline of his head.

Carina looked away when the Headmaster got up to speak. She listened raptly when he talked about the dementors; everyone knew why they were there. Sirius Black had escaped from Azkaban, a feat never before accomplished. After he introduced the professor from the train, and announced the new Care of Magical Creatures professor, Dumbledore concluded his welcome back speech with a rousing cry to enjoy the feast.

The tables were suddenly laden with all kinds of foods. Carina wolfed down roast beef and Yorkshire puddings; her appetite would slowly become harder to sate until the full moon passed. When she was full she tried to entertain herself for the rest of the feast by watching people at different tables. A Hufflepuff girl was casting smoke rings with her wand; a Ravenclaw boy was so absorbed with the book he was reading that he didn't notice his elbow was resting on his plate; far across the hall at the Gryffindor table she saw a gaggle of redheads that must've been the Weasleys.

Amongst them was Oliver. Carina wondered what they were talking about, wondered what joke made Oliver laugh so hard he tossed his head back.

Carina felt a prickle down her spine and she reluctantly drew her attention back to the Slytherin table, in time to see Miles coming towards her. He had a serious look on his face, but that wasn't unlike him. His thick black hair was neatly combed back from his angular face, and Carina thought his hair was getting a little too long. He'd let her cut his hair during third year, despite his trepidations, which were unfounded as Carina was a dab hand with a pair of scissors. The memory, of Miles sitting in a chair in the boy's dormitory while Carina worked behind him, hit her like rogue bludger.

She looked stubbornly away from Miles, refusing to meet his gaze even when he sat down beside her, silent at first.

"Come back to the team," Miles finally said, in his quiet voice. "Flint's only other option for Chaser is Montague, and you know what he's like. He'll get us disqualified for punching another player in the nose, or something equally as unenlightened."

Carina had to stifle a laugh, rewarding Miles with a portion of her attention. His lips quirked slightly, but didn't quite make a smile. "You'll have to make do with Montague."

"We'll lose with him on the team." Miles sighed and looked down the table. Carina followed his gaze and spotted Perry, Adrian, and Lucian watching them intently. Lucian was the only one who didn't have the decency to pretend he hadn't been staring; in fact he grinned and waved.

"I'm done for good, Miles," Carina said, grasping the sleeve of Miles' robes so he would look at her. "Tell them that."

"Whatever you say."


	6. Astronomy

**CARINA**

As a rule, Carina ignored the girls in her dormitory. Gemma Farley was a prefect, and as such spent most of the time after the feast getting the first years settled in. She didn't return to the dormitory until late, when everyone but Carina was asleep. Mariko Haneda had gone on one date with Lucian a couple years ago, and was the only one among the girls who frequently tried to engage Carina in conversation – to which she either politely opted out, or glared until Mariko gave up. Julia Accrington and Lexie Davis were best friends and were talking at an obnoxious volume when Carina slunk up to the dormitory.

She felt like such an outcast among them, but she was used to it by now. Carina got ready for bed in silence, folding her robes and putting them away in her trunk with deliberate care, even going so far as to get her uniform for tomorrow ready. Self-consciously, she looked around the dormitory, at the huge cathedral windows and the canopy beds draped in green silk. There was a small pool filled with still, black water sunk into the floor in the middle of the room, the reflections of the lights playing on the calm surface.

As a first year, she'd adored this dormitory. She'd spent six years here, sleeping in this bed and sharing this space with four other people... who she barely knew. These girls were practically strangers to her, and she had no desire to change that, which made her wonder just how much she'd changed since becoming a lycanthrope. What could her future hold? Shame? Hatred from anyone who knew what she was?

She lay awake in her bed with the drapes pulled shut, the darkness thick and heavy around her. The sounds of snores and gentle breathing from her dorm mates filled the spaces in the silence, but she got no comfort from their presence. It was late when she finally decided to give up on sleep. She got dressed and slipped from the dormitory.

There were a few places in the castle where she loved to go. The Astronomy Tower was one such place, so high up that she could see almost the entire expanse of the Forbidden Forest stretching towards the distant mountains. The tower was open to the elements and was off-limits to students except during supervised classes. Carina was quick and sly enough to avoid detection. She walked steadily up the hundreds of winding, stone steps and took in several deep breaths of the cold night air when she reached the top.

The moon was in its third quarter, half a disc that hung suspended in the sky. Carina didn't want to look at the moon. She walked onto the balcony and felt like she stood out in empty air with the castle all around her. Sitting down, she shifted forwards until her legs were hanging over the edge of the balcony. Smiling to herself, Carina sat like that, beneath the sky, until the sun came up in the east. Somebody was already outside in the grounds, even though the light was still grey, and Carina took that as a sign that she should return to the dungeons. Stiff-legged and shivering, she got back to the dormitory as the other girls were waking up.

Mariko smiled at Carina. She was sitting on her bed, pulling a brush through her sleep-mussed hair. "Good morning," she chirped sweetly.

Carina grunted in response, and across the room she heard Julia and Lexie snicker meanly. She pulled her robes from her trunk and got dressed quickly. She was about to flee the dormitory when Mariko came over, curiosity in her slanted eyes. "I heard you leave in the middle of the night," Mariko said. "I'm a light sleeper. Where'd you go?"

"It's none of your business," Carina said coldly, deftly doing up the tie of her uniform and straightening her skirt and blouse.

Mariko lifted a thin brow, but didn't back down. "You shouldn't wander around at night," she said. "You'll cost Slytherin points if you get caught."

"I didn't get caught," Carina pointed out. "And I won't ever get caught."

She slipped past Mariko and jogged down the stairs into the common room, bumping into her brother as he was coming from the boy's dormitory. He glared at Carina, smoothing his blonde hair with one hand, though not a single strand was out of place.

"Watch where you're going," he snapped. Carina clenched her jaw to keep herself from snapping back. At home, she could hold in her anger, because if she didn't she'd be punished for speaking out of turn. There was more freedom at school, but Draco would relay everything Carina did back to their parents.

"Sorry," Carina said from between gritted teeth. She was forced to follow Draco and his friends out of the common room, but she shoved by them at the first chance she got, practically elbowing Pansy Parkinson aside. The third year squealed indignantly, but Carina ignored her, marching quickly down the dungeon corridors.

The first half of Carina's day went smoothly – at least as smoothly as she could've hoped, with gossip flying around the school; the dementors were continuing to patrol the grounds and security was tighter than normal. She was partnered with Miles in Advanced Potions, which was one of the better outcomes possible. Not only did Miles not say ask about Quidditch, or badger her to explain the last two years, but he was also one of the best potion makers in their class.

There were only a few familiar faces among the seventh year Gryffindors they shared the class with, and the Quidditch captain was not among them. Carina chose not to analyze her interest, but she'd been hoping to have at least one class with Wood. To talk to him, to see him. There was no harm in simple admiration. But the only time Carina saw Oliver was in their Defense Against the Dark Arts class, with Professor Lupin.

Carina paid extra attention in Lupin's class, but she was surprised when he led them out of the classroom to another room down the corridor. "This lesson will be a quick one," Lupin began, as the class all filed into the room, some students exchanging looks with their friends. "We'll get back on schedule once its over, but I thought we had the perfect opportunity to test seven years of knowledge."

Lupin clapped the side of a wooden cupboard and grinned at the class. "Inside here is a boggart; he found himself in there recently, and I've, uh, appropriated him for the day, before we remove him from the castle. I assume you've all been taught about boggarts, but have any of you come across a live one before?"

There was head shaking and responses in the negative all around. Carina remembered the lesson on boggarts they'd had in their third year; it took her a moment to recall their professor that year, and she only remembered his last name: Broome. Folding her arms across her chest, she listened as Lupin explained the basic principles of defeating a boggart, though really he was just rehashing what they already knew. The excitement grew. This was the first time they'd actually face a real boggart, rather than just reading about one.

Carina was nervous, though. She didn't want to know what she was afraid of, anymore than she wanted the rest of the class to know. Adrian was nudging Lucian, who smirked impishly; at least they were ready for the lesson to begin.

When Lupin asked them all to line up, Carina made certain she was at the back. Adrian, of course, put himself at the front. When Adrian drew his wand and approached the cupboard with a serious look on his face, the cupboard began to shake as the boggart inside changed its form. A great white shark burst out, rushing at Adrian with its huge mouth open, its rows of razor-sharp teeth making even Carina wince, and she wasn't scared of sharks the way Adrian was.

To his credit, he didn't cower or yelp. He just hunched his shoulders and said the counter-curse, and the shark shrank to the size of a minnow, sailing harmlessly around Adrian's head. He smirked and turned to the rest of the class, who applauded with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Lucian put his fingers between his lips and whistled loudly.

"Very well done, Mr Pucey," Lupin said, clapping slowly. "Who's up next?"

The rest of the class approached the boggart one by one. Some people screamed or took a surprised step back when the boggart warped its shape to take on many different fears. Carina watched each one with morbid curiosity, seeing how the boggart changed from a vampire with blood dripping from his gory mouth, to a scuttling insect the size of a car. Every time the boggart was defeated with the riddikilus counter-curse, and every time the fear became something laughable – the vampire became a fruit bat and the insect became a Volkswagen Beetle.

"Good, good!" Lupin cried, laughing as Oliver turned a roaring, swirling tornado into water spiraling down a plug with a gurgling sound. "Have we missed anyone?"

Carina shrank back, but Lupin fixed his gaze on her as though he'd known all along that she was trying not to face the boggart. He gave a smile and beckoned her forwards. As Carina went towards him, she felt someone pat her on the back, but wasn't sure who it was, as the boggart had suddenly fixated on her.

"Now, just focus. And remember, it's not the real thing. It can't hurt you," Lupin said gently, stepping back so Carina was directly in front of the boggart. She took a deep breath and exhaled heavily, lifting her wand.

The boggart's shape was shifting, bubbling in places and bulging in others, and when the creature began to bow forwards until it was on four legs, Carina knew with a sickening sensation what she was afraid of. The boggart became a werewolf, exact even down to the glow in its eyes, the animal hatred and the primal urge to attack reminding Carina of Greyback.

She took several frantic steps back, her breath caught in her throat, and when she bumped into somebody she jumped and shrieked in fright. Whoever it was behind her held her arms to steady her, so she wouldn't trip over in her haste to escape.

"You can do this," Lupin said, appearing by her side. His pale face was somber, but he watched the boggart's every move as though afraid it might attack. "Say riddikilus, Carina."

The werewolf's hackles rose and it pushed itself up onto its two back legs, and when it growled Carina felt like her heart might stop. "No, no, _no_," Carina gasped out. It looked like Greyback; it looked like every one of her nightmares. But it also looked like her, and that scared her the most. She _was_ this terrifying creature.

"Do it," Lupin said firmly, but he lifted his own wand as though doubting Carina could act.

Carina screamed the counter-curse, rage flooding into her, filling the cracks in her psyche that told her to be frightened. The boggart let loose a pitiful whining sound as the werewolf became a mangy, skinny dog. When Carina looked at the rest of the class, her hands shaking and her head pounding, she saw them staring at her in shock and confusion. The person who had held her arms was now touching her back with a steady palm. Oliver. He looked concerned. He wasn't the only one. Perry pushed forwards and tried to reach for Carina, but she twisted away from them and fled the classroom.


	7. Calumny

**OLIVER**

Two people tried to follow Carina from the classroom. Peregrine Derrick was about to rush out the door, and Adrian Pucey was a few steps behind him, but Professor Lupin called them back. He wore a calm look on his face, but his eyes were troubled.

"Leave her be," he ordered the boys. Oliver didn't fully understand what had just happened. Everyone had fears, but no one had been as aghast at facing them as Carina. He looked to the door, half-hoping she'd come back. Lupin kept them all in order, cutting through the excitable chatter that had swelled up in the wake of Carina's hasty retreat. He led them all back to the classroom, but no one was really interested in the rest of the lesson, and when it was over everyone flooded out into the corridors.

The gossip spread so quickly that by the time Oliver got to his next class, more and more people were talking about it. Professor Lupin's lesson had been a hit with most classes, but there had been the occasional bad reaction to the boggart. Oliver wasn't sure if it was as simple as that though; when he'd held Carina's arms he'd felt her shaking.

Oliver didn't see Carina for the rest of the day, and even when he tried to look for her at dinner she was nowhere to be found. Her friends were in a huddle at the Slytherin table, and looked like they were having a very serious discussion. Craning his neck to see better, Oliver didn't hear Angelina Johnson saying his name until she reached over and jostled his shoulder.

"What are you looking at?" Angelina asked, glancing in the direction of whatever was occupying Oliver's attention. He gave her a sheepish smile, by way of apology.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter," he said. "Hey, can I ask you somethin'?"

"Sure," Angelina said with a shrug of her shoulders. She smirked when Fred casually draped his arm around her. "What's up, Captain?"

"Do you have any idea why Carina Malfoy quit the Slytherin team?" Oliver asked, regulating his voice so he sounded nonchalant, but Angelina still gave him a weird look and Fred leaned forward to look at him.

"Crazy Carina?" Fred said irreverently, grinning. "No one knows. I heard some seventh years in Hufflepuff say she's a Death Eater now."

"Not every Slytherin is a Death Eater," Angelina said, rolling her eyes. "Though... it'd make sense, you know? Everyone says her parents are involved with You-Know-Who. I don't really believe it, but some people probably do."

"I don't believe it," Oliver said, but a twinge of doubt shaded his words.

"You were in class with her when she lost it, right?" Fred asked. "What was she afraid of? George's convinced the boggart turned into her slimy little brother."

"No, it was..." Oliver trailed off, and Fred and Angelina shared a look.

"Come on, out with it!" Angelina said, laughing and nudging Oliver in the ribs with her elbow.

"It was a werewolf."

Fred looked thoughtful for a moment, then snorted. "That's boring." He turned to his brother, and Oliver listened to the two of them throwing banter back and forth. Angelina grew tired of them and went to sit with the other girls on the Quidditch team. Oliver was left alone with his thoughts, and his wondering. He ate in silence, and retired to bed early with designs on getting up for a dawn run with the team.

None of them were interested when he tried to rouse them in the morning, so Oliver dressed and left the castle on his own. He loved to run around the Hogwarts grounds; he had a particular route that he'd carved out years ago. He set off at an easy, leisurely jog. It was a grey morning today, but the sun would burn away the fog by midday.

Oliver was sweating, but not badly out of breath, when he returned to the castle doors by way of the Whomping Willow. Maybe when the Quidditch season started in earnest he could convince his team to run with him, but he didn't hold out much hope. At least he enjoyed his solitary runs. He pushed open the great front doors of the castle and slipped into the Entrance Hall; he hadn't expected to bump into anyone this early in the morning, so when he saw Carina coming up from the Dungeons, her face grey and drawn, Oliver was momentarily stunned.

She looked at him, blanched, and for a split second he thought she was going to turn around and go back the way she'd come. Oliver rapidly closed the distance between them, and his curiosity burned when he saw the dark circles beneath her eyes. She looked exhausted.

"Don't," Carina barked, before Oliver could say anything.

He frowned. "Don't what?"

"Don't ask if I'm okay." Carina's mouth twisted into a wry smile. "You were going to, weren't you?"

"I... guess so. You're up early," Oliver said, groping for something to talk about without asking the questions he wanted to ask. She didn't look okay, he could see that much.

"I'm a morning person," Carina said. "Just without the sunny disposition. I'm going to breakfast." She edged around Oliver and jerked her thumb over her shoulder, at the doors of the Great Hall.

"I'll join you," Oliver offered, but Carina shook her head and pressed her palm flat against Oliver's chest when he made to follow her. He came up short, stopped by the firm barrier of her hand.

"I'd rather be alone," the blonde said sharply, but not unkindly.

Oliver nodded and Carina backed away, her every movement deliberate. He'd never seen anyone move with that much care before. She was gone within moments.

* * *

**GEORGE**

George sat in the courtyard with his twin and Lee Jordan; the two of them were working the kinks out of a recipe for nosebleed nougat, but George was watching the brunette sitting beneath a big elm tree, amongst the gnarled roots that bubbled up from the concrete. She looked particularly pretty today, with her hair pulled back in a bun and her teeth worrying at her bottom lip as she read.

"Oh, Rhiannon," Fred started saying in a high-pitched, girlish voice. "Kiss me, Rhiannon."

"Oh, George," Lee teased, putting on a voice just as shrill as Fred's. "You're so handsome- wait, why are we both doing girl voices?"

"'Cause George is a girl," Fred said matter-of-factly, laughing when his twin finally took notice of their ridicule. He made kissing noises, pushing his lips into an exaggerated pout.

"Just go over and talk to her, mate," Lee suggested with an impish grin. "Let her touch your butt. Girls love touching butts."

"What kind of girls are you hanging out with?" George asked, smiling despite himself. He glanced over at Rhiannon, trying to be less conspicuous about it. Thankfully for him, she hadn't heard Fred and Lee. He didn't want her to think they were making fun of her, because they most definitely weren't. They were making fun of him.

"I'll give you a galleon if you go talk to her," Fred said, but George just snorted.

"A galleon of our money, you mean," he pointed out. "Does it look like she wants to be bothered?"

"Everyone wants to be bothered by someone as handsome as you, you devil," Fred joked, knocking George gently on the chin with his knuckles, in a _go get 'em_ gesture.

"I'll give you a galleon," Lee put in. George gave him a dubious look, but he was thinking about it. He thought he did all right for himself with most girls, but Rhiannon was his friend and was kind of special. George tended to like all girls; they were all so soft and pretty and always smelled nice – but Rhiannon was all of that and more.

"I think he's gonna do it," Lee whispered to Fred, who nodded, watching George with bright eyes.

"I think you're right, Master Lee." Fred's whisper was louder than was necessary.

"Get that galleon ready," George said, pushing himself up from the bench seat. Fred and Lee immediately started shouting encouragement, and the occasional friendly insult. He sauntered over to Rhiannon and carded his hands through his hair, trying to project an air of confidence and intrigue, but he tripped pretty spectacularly on a tree root and stumbled a few steps before he righted his balance.

Rhiannon was looking at him, attempting to hide her smile. "Are you okay?" she asked, and George heard the amusement in her voice. She was studying him over the top of her book.

"Yeah, totally, I'm great," George said, refusing to look back at Fred and Lee when he heard their cackles from across the courtyard. "How are you?"

"Fine," was Rhiannon's answer. Her eyes slid back to her book, and George dawdled momentarily before he sat down beside her and cleared her throat.

"What are you reading?"

"Anna Karenina," Rhiannon said, noticing George's blank stare a moment later. "By Leo Tolstoy? He was a muggle."

"Oh, never read it. Is it good?"

"You can borrow it when I'm done," the brunette said with a sly little smile, and George felt his heart grow a little fonder. He grinned dopily at her.

"I'd love that."

* * *

**A/N:** Rhiannon is someone else's OC, who I've included in this fic as a favour. I might do this for a few other people, but I'm trying to keep the amount of original characters to a minimum. Anyway, thanks so much to everyone reading and reviewing! It helps a lot.


	8. Captaincy

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone for commenting and supporting this fic. And to Carina (hehe), I'm reading Anna Karenina right now! It's been on my personal reading list for a while, which reminds me. If anyone has a recommendation on what to read next, either fanfiction or published works, please let me know. I need something new to sink my teeth into.

* * *

Carina kept her head down to absorb the blows of rumor that rained down over those first few days of school. She'd nearly perfected the art of bulling through with her ears and eyes covered – as a means of protection, it wasn't fool-proof, but it was all she had – and yet some things still slipped through the cracks in her defenses.

Professor Lupin made no mention of the boggart incident, but Carina occasionally sensed him watching her during class, and when she noticed he never did anything more than smile benevolently. Carina didn't want his sympathy, or anyone else's. She'd shut Oliver down, the moment she thought he was going to display pity for her, and did so with anyone else who tried to talk to her. Some of them, however, didn't have Carina's best interests at heart when they approached her in the corridors or the Great Hall.

A Ravenclaw girl Carina hardly knew hissed the word _freak_ in her ear as she strode passed Carina between classes. It had shocked her enough to shatter her defenses, but she immediately started putting them back together, despite the worm of pain that had burrowed inside her. She _was_ a freak, and had made the mistake of letting others see it.

The one merciful thing that kept her from being utterly exposed was the macabre curiosity in Sirius Black and his continued elusion of both the Ministry and the Death Eaters. Reports of sightings abounded in the Daily Prophet, and by the fourth day of school, the student body had moved on from the events of the first day, which gave Carina the peace she thought she'd lost.

She took to spending more time in the library, where Madame Pince would instantly shush any confrontation. She squirreled herself away in the afternoon, after classes, with her books and her homework to work on her own. Nobody bothered her there, in her spot deep within the aisles, where the air was dusty and thick with sentences and stories.

The one moment of joy she truly felt was in her Care of Magical Creatures class; Hagrid may have been an inexperienced teacher, but he more than made up for that with enthusiasm. Carina had faced the regal hippogriff with a sense of uneasiness and excitement, curtseying as gracefully as she could and smiling fit-to-bust when the hippogriff lowered its horny knees and fierce head in a bow as low as any courtly gentleman could manage. What made it even better was finding out her brother had incurred Buckbeak's wrath; she heard him whinging about it at dinner that night, and he milked the attention for as long as he could.

Hagrid continued to introduce them to rarer and more fantastical beasts throughout the first week of class, in a continuing parade of exotic creatures. Carina was even able to ignore her friends – despite their good intentions, she was tired of dodging them in class and in the corridors – and relax in company for the first time in far too long. She stayed after class every day to help Hagrid, with whatever she could, though mostly she just listened to him talk as he corralled that day's fascinating creature. She didn't speak much, but that didn't seem to dissuade Hagrid from carrying on a conversation as though she contributed to it the way he did.

"The Forbidden Forest is _full_ of right interesting things," Hagrid was saying as he shooed a pair of Clabbert's up a tree at the edge of the forest, behind his stone hut. "Some o' them I ain't even seen for meself. Not for lack o' tryin'."

Carina smiled, watching the monkey-like creatures disappear in the canopy of the tree. A thought struck her then, of a tale she'd heard spun since she was elven. She furrowed her brow wonderingly. "Are there any werewolves in the forest?" she asked quietly, so softly that she wasn't sure if Hagrid had found her, but he looked over at her with a grin half-hidden behind his bushy beard.

"Not werewolves, so to speak," Hagrid said. "But a big pack of wolves live in the forest. I was thinkin' of bringing' one or two into class, but they're antisocial little blighters and might not come."

"Isn't that dangerous?" Carina blurted out. Wolf, or werewolf, it didn't really make much difference to her. She was both, in a way.

"Naw, they don' hurt people," Hagrid said reassuringly. "They're as cuddly as teddy-bears, if you can convince one to be yer friend." He got a big smile on his face that made Carina think he'd tried before, and perhaps succeeded. Then the smile disappeared and he patted Carina on the back with a hand the size of a shovel, gently but still firmly enough to send her stumbling forward a few steps. "You ought to get to dinner then."

Carina trudged up to the castle alone, thinking about the wolf pack in the Forbidden Forest. She almost wanted to see them, to run with them, but that was the animal inside her that burst out once a month in claws and fur and wrath. She didn't want to give in to those instincts. But all throughout dinner, the desire to run through the forest kept coming back in full force, stronger and stronger every time.

When she went to sleep that night, she dreamt she was a wolf. She dreamt of her paws loping soundlessly across the loamy earth. She dreamt of howling.

When the weekend came, Quidditch practice started in earnest. Carina wandered down to the pitch after breakfast on Saturday morning to watch the Hufflepuff team practice. She did this every so often, to sate her love for the game without actually playing. She never watched the Slytherin's during practice, but the other houses were fair game. She sat in the stands for most of the day, enjoying the spectacle each team put on as they went through drills and got back into shape after the long summer away.

Some, namely Oliver, didn't seem to need this time before the season began and the first match was on to work out old muscles. He'd never gotten out of shape. Carina sat, spellbound, as she watched the Gryffindors practice late that afternoon, with the sun was dipping low on in the west. They took no notice of her, and she wasn't even sure they knew she was there, but when Oliver came flying towards her she sat up straighter and set her face into a grim mask.

"What are you doing here?" Oliver called, a puzzled smile on his face as the rest of his ran a few drills with the Quaffle and Bludgers in play.

"Watching," Carina answered after a momentary hesitation. The Hufflepuff team had ignored her, but hadn't shown her any hostility or grudgingness, whereas the Ravenclaws had shot her dirty looks as though fearing she was there to spy on them rather than just spectate. No one had approached her all day, though. Not until Oliver.

"What do you think?" he asked her, hovering closer. "We any good?"

"You're... not bad," Carina admitted with a wry smirk. "You might want to duck."

Oliver gave her a strange look, but instinctively lowered himself over his broom, just as one of the Bludgers went roaring past above him. He yelled out to one of the Weasley twins, who instantly went chasing after the Bludger with a shout of apology to his captain. Oliver grinned at Carina.

"Thanks," he said. "I owe you."

Carina shrugged, but didn't gainsay him. He returned to his practice and Carina continued to watch, with reluctant respect. As a captain he was phenomenal. The Gryffindor's spent more than two and a half hours on the pitch, longer than any of the other team practices, and Oliver consistently encouraged his team to push harder and do better, and they complied astoundingly. Flint, captain of the Slytherin team, bullied and insulted his players until they did what he wanted, a fact that Carina had loathed when she was still one of those players. Oliver's style was so different, and so much more effective, that Carina couldn't stop watching him, calling instructions and encouragement and flying like he belonged nowhere else but in the air.

She noticed, when the Gryffindors finally left the pitch, that everyone had a satisfied grin on their faces, despite their obvious exhaustion after such a grueling practice. Carina quietly slipped out of the stadium and back to the castle while they were still in the changing rooms, winding down.


	9. Vigilante

**A/N:** Eep, it's been a month since I updated. Sorry for the long wait. I've been working on some original projects, which have sucked up all my writing time.

* * *

**PEREGRINE**

The murky green light of the common room made Peregrine's dark complexion seem sickly and washed out as he sat watching the entrance, his knee bouncing impatiently. Adrian sat across from him, trying not to get caught up in Perry's vigil. It had gone on for at least an hour as he waited for Carina to return to the common room, for one last-ditch attempt at ambushing her back into friendship.

Miles and Lucian were playing a rowdy game of Exploding Snap – which had already started several small fires at their table – but were just as aware of what Perry was up to, for all that they pretended not to notice.

"What exactly are you going to say that hasn't already been said?" Adrian asked Perry in a low voice, when he couldn't ignore it any longer.

Peregrine looked at him, his dark eyes steady and calm, which was more worrying than if he'd been riled up and emotional. He'd heard all the talk about Carina, and despised it more than he could ever express with words. If her scene during class hadn't been enough to convince him it was now or never, that he either did his best to get through to her or admitted he was a failure as a friend, the gossip had settled it once and for all.

"Any suggestions?" Perry's tone of voice made it clear he didn't want Adrian's advice on the issue.

Adrian shook his head. "No... but think something up quick," he said, nodding his head towards the common room door. Carina had just entered, and though Peregrine saw the proud tilt of her head and the swagger in her walk, he also noticed the way her eyes darted around in search of any possible threat – or mean-spirited witticism, which had been abundant.

Peregrine jumped up in a flash and hurried towards Carina. She flinched visibly when he came to a sudden stop in front of her. "What do you want?" she snapped. Perry threw his arms around Carina's shoulders and reeled her in for a hug, crushing her against him just because she needed it, and though she went as stiff as a board in his arms he grimly held on and awaited the tirade she'd eventually unleash.

But Carina simply relaxed, muscles coming undone like threads pulled from a sweater. She started to shake, and Peregrine felt panicked worry fill him as he looked down at Carina's face and saw the tears in her eyes. She wriggled her arm up between their bodies and angrily crushed the tears away with a knuckle, glancing surreptitiously up at Perry as he continued to hug her.

"You can cry if you want to," Perry mumbled, smiling helplessly. Carina snorted a laugh, her throat thick with emotion.

"I'm not going to cry," Carina said, starting to squirm away from Perry. He reluctantly let her go, but to his surprise she didn't flee. She looked him straight in the face (with a grimace, but it was still progress) and her eyes went hard and flat. "You've got one chance to say your piece."

Perry smiled and wanted to hug her again, but he'd been given a lot of leniency and wasn't going to push it. "Let's talk in private," he said, offering her his hand. She didn't take it, but started towards the boy's dormitories. The corridor to the girl's dorms were treacherous; there was a magical charm in place that deterred boys from sneaking to the girl's rooms, but there were no such charms surrounding the boy's dorms.

Carina walked ahead of Perry, heading straight to the dorm he shared with his friends. It was a wonder the other guys hadn't come scrambling after them after witnessing the hug in the common room, but Perry was thankful for the chance to talk to Carina alone.

She turned to face him, folding her arms across her chest like she was setting a shield around herself. "Well, come on then," she said, issuing a challenge.

"Whatever's going on," Perry started at a babble, unsure of how much time she was giving him, "it doesn't matter. You don't have to tell me. In fact, I won't ever ask about it again. But I miss you! You're my best friend, Rina. And... Merlin, it's not the same without you around. Can you just be my friend again?" His voice died away, his plea seeming to echo in the air.

Carina sighed heavily, shakily, her chest trembling. "I miss you too," she muttered. Perry cracked a hopeful smile, but she wasn't done there. "You can never ask me what happened, or why I stopped talking to you. Do you understand? I... I can't tell you, even if I wanted to."

Alarm bells rang in Perry's head, but he was willing to accept any terms Carina set. "Of course, I understand," he said.

"The others need to know this, too. If Lucian cracks a single joke, I will break his nose and I'm not even kidding."

Perry laughed and nodded, grinning from ear to ear. "I'll talk to them. Are- are we friends again?"

A moment of tense, expectant silence filled the dormitory. Finally Carina gave a nod of her head and Perry reached for her again, taking her hands and spinning her around and around in dizzying circles. She tried to stifle a laugh, but couldn't quite keep it in. "Okay, stop!" She took a second or two to catch her breath, before she stepped forwards, her arms twining around Perry's waist.

* * *

**CARINA**

It was touch and go for the next few days. Perry was true to his word, and seemed to settle right back into place as her best friend. The other three took some time getting used to it; Adrian seemed constantly bursting with curiosity, but a warning look from either Miles or Perry kept him from blurting out the questions Carina didn't want to her. Miles, of course, took everything in his stride. Lucian had been thoroughly warned not to rock the boat, but such a thing did not come easy to him.

Carina spent most of her time with Perry. She felt like she was making up for lost time; two years of conversations and jokes were suddenly crammed in over the course of a week. With his influence back in her life, she felt lighter and more carefree than she had in far too long, but with her guard slowly crumbling she forgot to pay close attention to the calendar.

Professor Snape kept her late on Thursday, after Potions class. When Carina went up to his desk he took a bottle from the locked cabinet behind him and handed her the Wolfsbane potion. "Take this after dinner tonight," Snape said in his droll voice. Carina curled her fingers tightly around the bottle, suddenly trying to count up the days. The full moon was on Saturday. She had two days to force down enough Wolfsbane to keep herself from losing control. She'd forgotten, and that fact scared her.

She muddled through the rest of the day on automatic, barely listening as Perry talked to her at dinner. The potion bottle was in her pocket and she slipped her hand in to fumble with it now and then, reminding herself why she'd kept her distance all this time. She couldn't bring herself to push Perry away again, not when he was being so good and kind to her.

He noticed her preoccupied state and reached over to touch her hand. She yanked her other hand from her pocket, nearly jumping out of her skin in surprise at the unexpected contact. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," Perry said with a weak chuckle. She could tell from the burning intensity of his gaze that he wanted to ask questions, but he kept them all in, and for that she was thankful.

"My mind was somewhere else," Carina said with a shrug. "I'm not hungry anymore. I'll see you in the common room later."

Perry nodded, watching as Carina got up and left the Great Hall. She downed the potion in the privacy of her dorm and shoved the empty bottle into the bottom of her trunk. The foul taste of the Wolfsbane was acrid on her tongue and to get rid of it she ate one of the Chocolate Wands Lucian had given her from a care package his parents sent him. She didn't get care packages anymore. Her mother used to send her things when she was younger, but not since Carina had been bitten.

She crawled into her bed as the potion worked its way through her system. It made her stomach turn and she thought she was going to vomit at one point, jarring upright in bed with her hand pressed to her mouth until finally the sensation eased.

She couldn't sleep again that night and went on another wander around the castle after hours. She didn't go to the Astronomy tower that time, since the potion made her feel a little dizzy and unsteady on her feet, so she just crept her way through the corridors. At one point she felt as though she was being followed, and she started to run, thinking that Filch might jump out of the shadows and apprehend her.

She went careening around a corner, directly into a slight blonde girl, who went sprawling after being inadvertently tackled by Carina. "Oh, crap," Carina said, looking wildly over her shoulder, expecting to see Filch hotfooting it after her. The corridor behind her was empty, though. She looked at the girl she'd knocked over, who was in the process of righting herself. "I'm sorry." Her apology felt a little impuissant, but she said it anyway.

"It's fine," the girl said, flapping away Carina's helping hand. "No harm done." In the back of Carina's mind she registered that the girl was a Ravenclaw prefect, one who Adrian took great delight in tormenting. Penelope narrowed her eyes at Carina. "What are you doing wandering around? You're not a prefect."

Carina flushed, realizing she was caught, despite her spectacularly foolish flight down the hallway. "I couldn't sleep," she said with a sheepish smile. "Please don't give me detention."

Penelope glanced around the corridor before she shrugged. "I never saw you," she said conspiratorially. "But it's nearly one in the morning. Go back to bed, or I might have to change my mind about giving you detention."

"Yeah, sure," Carina said with a nod of her head. "I'll go right now... Goodnight. And thanks."

Turning on her heel, Carina scurried back the way she'd come. This time she didn't get the feeling she was being followed, but she still ran.


	10. Aurify

**CARINA**

On Saturday, Carina was a nervous wreck. She awaited that evening's full moon with a leaden weight in her stomach. She lingered after Potion's class to talk to Professor Snape, an activity she didn't really enjoy. His words were always flat and slightly derisive, and he could be as acidic as a botched potion when he wanted to be.

She dawdled by his desk until he looked up at her, impatience flashing in his dark eyes. "What is it?" he asked.

"About tonight..." she began, finding it difficult to go on.

"It will be like any other full moon," Snape said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "You will come to my office at eight o'clock to be restrained. Or have you forgotten this routine?"

Carina shook her head. "No," she said. "I just... do I have to turn inside the school? What if I get loose? I could hurt someone." _I could hurt my friends_. Having them back in her life complicated things, as she'd known they would.

"Not if you've been taking the Wolfsbane potions," Snape countered. "You _have_ been taking them, haven't you?"

"I have," Carina murmured. "Eight o'clock. I'll be here."

Snape nodded distractedly and Carina went to leave. She opened the classroom door just as Professor Lupin was reaching for the doorknob. He smiled kindly at Carina, the lines around his mouth more pronounced than they'd been a week ago.

"Good afternoon," Lupin greeted her. "How are you, Miss Malfoy?"

"I'm good," Carina answered automatically. She could hardly tell the truth. "I was just leaving."

"Of course," Lupin said, moving aside so she could sidle by. "Take care of yourself, Miss Malfoy. Tonight's a full moon." This casual mention of something so pivotal to Carina startled her. She shot the professor a frightened look, but Lupin just smiled enigmatically and entered the Potions classroom. He shut the door behind him, but Carina hovered in the corridor to eavesdrop on the conversation going on within. Their voices were too indistinct to make out, so Carina moved on after a minute or two.

At dinner that night she made up some excuse about wanting to get to bed early and left the Great Hall. Snape was waiting for her in his office with the last Wolfsbane potion ready and waiting on his desk. He watched Carina drink it, then led her deeper into the dungeons where the air was damp and smelled of moss and mold.

Carina's heart was beating fast as she entered the familiar dungeon, though it looked no different from any other empty room down in the bowels of the castle. She'd transformed here in this room for the last two years, locked in by Snape's spells and given free reign to thrash, howl, and claw at the walls.

She ran her fingers over a deep gouge in the stone. She could already feel the beginnings of her transformation. It started deep at the back of her spine, a pain that was currently more irritating than terrible. Soon the wolf would burst out of her and she'd have to remain a beast until morning.

Snape looked troubled as he set his spells around the door. Usually he went about this work calmly, without expression. Carina didn't like it when he wasn't a blank slate.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, frowning.

Snape glanced at her, briefly shaking his head. "No," he said, without embellishment or elaboration.

Carina realised he wasn't going to tell her anything, even if something was the matter. She sighed and was soon left alone to transform. The moon would reach its zenith within the hour, at which point Carina would be fully wolf. Snape would not return until sunrise. She settled in, preparing herself as best she could for the ordeal to come.

* * *

The moonlight could not reach her deep beneath the castle, but that didn't make much difference. Carina's bones cracked, her skin split, and her scream warped into a mournful howl. The Wolfsbane in her system burned now that she had turned; it was a poison, after all. But it kept her from losing her mind to the red mist of animal instinct. She felt it roiling like the sea beneath her consciousness, though. It would always be there, strongest during the full moon, and for the rest of her life she'd have to constantly resist the urge to leap into its depths.

Carina was not a large wolf: she remembered Fenrir's great, feral form and knew she was a far cry from his size and ferocity. She was strong enough to carve rents in the stone with her claws, but could not break through the granite no matter how many times she assaulted the walls.

She wanted to see the moon, and feel its silver warmth against her fur, and this urge was the only one she allowed herself to feel. All other urges were rip and tear, and would hurt people she cared for if she gave in to them.

Carina shambled around the dungeon for hours, pricking up her ears now and then when something strange buzzed just beyond hearing. She could not place it, but it sounded like family. Not the family she knew; not the remote coldness of her parents and brother, but the possibility of running with a pack. She couldn't know for sure what the sound truly was.

She knew the sun was rising when her strength left her, leaking like blood from an open wound. She lay down on her belly, her breath wheezing and her flanks trembling. When the full moon had waned and Carina had taken the place of the wolf, she was exhausted. She dressed with difficulty and her legs ached and shook as Snape walked her to Slytherin Dungeon.

"There was something," Carina mumbled as they came to the hidden door. "Is there... another werewolf nearby?"

Snape seemed to falter, but it could've been Carina's imagination. He spoke the password and a door appeared in the cold stone, leading to a corridor filled with green light. "I wouldn't know," Snape said. "You're excused from classes today and tomorrow, so you can recover from the transformation."

He left before Carina could ask anything more of the strange sensations she'd felt during the night. Fenrir was the only werewolf she'd ever met, but she instinctually knew that what she'd heard and what she'd felt was the echo of another wolf in the vicinity.

Despite knowing this, she wasn't about to look for this other lycan. She wanted no such creature around her; it would be a reminder of what she was, in far too vivid detail. She kept her head down for the rest of the month, and soon September was passing into October. Winter swept in as rime on the windowpanes and a chill in the air.

The first Hosgmeade trip of the year took place on Halloween, and Carina opted out of the festivities. She regretted it, in the end. The castle was full to bursting with ghosts and Weasley twin pranks. She sequestered herself in the library to avoid walking into a trap – several Ravenclaw girls had been bombarded with doxy eggs an hour earlier – and curled up on a chair at her usual table to read and pass the time by doing homework.

Though she thought she'd made the right choice in not going, she did wonder if it would've been good for her. A day with her friends, outside school, might have gone a long way to further mending their relationships. Perry was easy to placate, but Adrian was more difficult. He'd been pushing for Carina to rejoin the Quidditch team. Perry and Lucian were the Beaters and so had a partnership on the pitch, but it was different for Adrian and Carina. They'd made the team in the same year and had to work together to negate Flint's brutish tactics. They were perfectly in sync when they played.

Carina had very little interest in getting back on the team, despite Adrian's pleads. Dealing with the team would be too much stress for her to deal with, and she knew her limits. She was barely holding it together as it was, a creature of frayed threads and frayed nerves.

She was alone in the library, but was still hyper-aware. It was a habit she'd developed. If Carina was fully cognizant of her surroundings, she could avoid potential pitfalls. It had helped her at home, and it helped her at school.

Her friends, and most of the other students, had left the castle about an hour ago. She'd just completed her History of Magic homework when she heard a scratching sound, like small claws against the floor. She looked up with a frown, holding herself still so she could listen. The sound continued steadily, seeming to come from a corner of the library,

Quietly closing her book, Carina stood up and went to investigate, thinking she'd find one of the younger students trying to sneak into the Restricted Section while the castle was relatively empty. She saw no one, though. The bookshelves seemed to loom in silence above her as she thoroughly searched each aisle.

She was about to return to her table when something small and furry shot by her, passing so close that she felt the skinny tail of the rat slap against her ankle. Carina jumped in surprise, recoiling from the ugly rodent as it stopped to look up at her, its nose twitching.

"Been chewing the books, have you?" Carina mumbled, making a shooing gesture at the rat. It took off, bolting for a dark hole in the wall. Carina didn't bother telling Madam Pince about the rat. She assumed it was someone's pet; perhaps it had gotten loose and was indiscriminately roaming the castle. She collected her things and left the library, returning to the common room.


End file.
